The toughest change to accept, change in your body

Change can be extremely difficult for some people and for me it is.  Once I get into a routine/schedule, I feel very comfortable with it.  I am well aware that change is good and it is a good practice to embrace it but it is still something I struggle with.

As many of you know, I found out some upsetting news about how some of my “healthy” habits have actually been causing me harm.  Little recap, my strict vegetarian diet of 10 years has left my body depleted of essential B vitamins, chronic stress and over exercise have fried my adrenal glands, and years of birth control have negatively impacted my hormones.  After leaving that doctors appointment I knew a ton of change was coming my way and it terrified me.

The first thing I have changed is my diet.  I have been reintroducing meat and trying to incorporate more healthy fats and less restrictions.  When you do things a certain way for many years it becomes second nature.  The way I grocery shop, the way I cook and the way I look at foods all are changing.  Luckily this aspect of change hasn’t been too difficult.  Last week I made a beef chili and I imagined my stomach basically exploding, but of course nothing like that happened.  I actually really enjoyed it.  I am trying to make the best of it and have some fun searching for and trying out new recipes. 

Another change I made was I removed my IUD (hormonal birth control).  My test results showed that my estrogen was way too high and my progesterone was undetectable.  I decided I really wanted to go natural and not have any more synthetic hormones in my body. What led me to get this tested was I was experiencing hormonal breakouts (very uncommon for me), very sore boobs and very emotional PMS.  I am also taking many different supplements to help restore my deficiencies, support my adrenals, and balance out my hormones. 

Now the change that has been really hard on me and continues to be, my body changing.  I am eating differently, working out less, and trying to balance my hormones and my body is different than I am used to.  After doing some research and of course getting sucked into a rabbit hole, I found many stories of woman stopping their birth control and gaining weight.  That phrase, most woman’s worst nightmare, gaining weight.  After seeing that I thought “oh no what have I done?  Maybe I should go on the pill.”  What I keep reminding myself is my body needs to change, it needs to balance out.  Getting dressed in the morning, seeing myself in the mirror and noticing differences the first thing I want to do is go out for a run, to step up my exercise.  This compulsion had been a driving force for so long. I feel like I am living in a different body, I don’t feel like me. I have to constantly remind myself that more is not better.  I did damage to my adrenal glands and my body’s ability to function properly has suffered. 

Accepting this change has been really hard on me.  I have felt down about myself, mad at myself and wanting to go back to old habits.  It is incredibly difficult to silence that little voice in my head that is telling me to fight this change, to go back to how things were.  I know that I need time, that things will balance out when they get back on track but this journey is a struggle.  I am so grateful to have such a supportive husband and also social media community who have been helping me during this time. 

Change is hard, change is scary but change can be the absolute best thing for you.  I am hopeful that I am making the right steps, that I am allowing my body to heal the way it needs to.  If anyone has felt similar I would love to hear what helped you.  And for those of you who are enduring this same struggle, I want you to know that I am here for you.