The 4th trimester
The fourth trimester... something I was totally not prepared for. So much of baby prep was focused on labor that I never truly prepared for those first few months after. I think because this was my first, I didn’t realize how much recovery my body would need. I wasn’t ready to feel so sore and so off for so long. You get home and you are responsible for the little human you created leaving you very little time to care for yourself. My entire body felt like I was hit by a truck for a few days, pile no sleep and trying to breastfeed on top of that, wow. Then the hormones/emotions, my gosh I was so sensitive about everything. All of this I was not ready for. I didn’t know I’d have terrible night sweats and soak my sheets, I didn’t know you had to monitor your boobs for clogged ducts (learned that the hard way with mastitis), I didn’t realize the amount of blood you’d continue to loose and how long I’d have to wear huge pads for. No one told me it would hurt to walk far longer than a few days. So much time is spent on your babe that it’s really easy to neglect yourself. Hours would go by and then my stomach would roar and I’d realize I hadn’t eaten anything. I truly thought I’d be able to pop right back into my workouts within 2-3 weeks. I thought breastfeeding was natural and would be a breeze. I wasn’t prepared for how his crying and tears would shatter my heart. I know everyone’s experience is different and maybe that’s why you don’t hear as much about the fourth trimester, or maybe moms are struggling too much to talk about it, or they feel guilty for struggling cause I know I’ve felt that way. I truly think the 4th trimester is the time moms need the most support, the most reassurance and the most guidance. Something that’s really helped me in this time is having a network of other moms to talk to. Moms to text and say omg my baby is screaming is this normal? Or hey does your babe do this weird thing with your nipple? Does your baby get the hiccups? It’s been amazing connecting with moms in the same stage as me and also ones who have been through it already.
It’s been a really big adjustment for me to not have as much time to myself, or any time really some days.
Some days I feel like my husband is a stranger and I wish we could just run off for a weekend, but then thinking about being away from Luke makes me sad. Basically I didn’t realize how conflicted I’d feel, that I miss my old ways but I’m now so in love with this new life too. That in one moment I could be so frustrated and tired but so in love.
This 4th trimester has taught me to be much easier on myself. That my to do list may only have one task a day and that task might be focusing on baby Luke. Laundry piles up and clutter takes over but my anxiety about that is much less because I just don’t have the time to get it all done. My step count for the day could be 100 but yet I’m so very tired at the end of the day and I find myself not obsessing about being constantly active. And even though I have a new body that’s bigger and softer then it used to be, I’ve never loved and appreciated it more. My body gave me my greatest blessing. All the highs and lows of pregnancy, labor and postpartum are 200% worth it for this little man I’m currently bouncing around my bedroom in the dark with, he is everything.
I’m thankful for everything I’ve learned so far and for the amazing mama support system I’ve found. Also derek, he’s pretty great too and I love seeing him as a dad.
