Sleep Restriction Therapy
As most of you know, I have embarked on a sleep restriction therapy to work towards healing my anxiety induced insomnia. A little back story to start.. About five years ago I was at a job that was stressful. It was new territory for me, causing me to feel insecure about my performance. I would get extremely anxious the night before that I was going to make a mistake or not be good enough and so those thoughts would keep me up at night. Fast forward, I left that job but the anxiety and insomnia stuck around. I basically created such a fear that I was not going to be able to fall asleep that of course, I then wouldn’t fall asleep. I created a bedtime routine, supplements I had to take, where I had to be, what I had to be doing, and this routine became a prison. Anything that was outside my night routine like going out to dinner, having friends over, or traveling would throw me into an immediate panic. Derek would finish work and say “hey want to grab dinner out?” and my chest would immediately tighten and all I could think about was not being able to sleep. It became so bad that I would not leave my apartment after like 6:30 PM. The times I did go out I would come home and immediately take some sort of drug/sleep aid. There would be nights I would take a Xanax and still be awake so I would gulp down some Nyquil and still be awake. It just goes to show you how powerful the mind is.
It was very hard for me to admit that it was a mental thing, I wanted to believe there was some other reason behind it. I did everything I could to figure out a different reason for the insomnia. I did multiple rounds of hormone testing thinking it had to be my hormones keeping me awake, I worked with a hypnotherapist thinking I could just get snapped into sleeping, I did body realignment working thinking something was physically off with me and that was why, I went to an Ayurveda doctor thinking that would solve it. Of course, nothing helped until I finally admitted to myself that I had anxiety about sleeping, that I worked myself up into having this issue. That was a tough pill for me to swallow.
So, I make this realization and now what. Traditional talk therapy hadn’t gotten me to really figuring out the root cause so I turned to something a little more unconventional, I did a mushroom guided therapy session. This experience was LIFE CHANGING. From this, I figured out the root cause of my worry about not sleeping came from protecting my identity. I saw myself as this example of health and wellness. These sleep issues also happened around the time Derek and I started dated. Things were fine before because nothing was a threat but once we got into a relationship he wanted to do normal couple things like do out to dinner, stay up late, hang out with friends and all of these I saw as threats. If I eat out then it will be unhealthy, if I stay up late I won’t be able to get a good workout in the next day, if I am tired then I won’t be good enough. And that right there was the biggest piece. IF I AM TIRED I WONT BE GOOD ENOUGH. I became so afraid of being tired because I feared I wouldn’t be enough.
Now that I have this figured out, how do I undo what I have done to my mind and my body. I decided to see a neurologist who specialized in insomnia. From all the stress and supplements I had been taking my body essentially didn’t know how to sleep on its own. She suggested sleep restriction therapy, the worst words I could hear, SLEEP RESTRICTION. She said she had seen great success with it and I was at the point where I would have tried anything just to feel normal.
With sleep restriction therapy, you are basically resetting your body clock and getting yourself so tired that you will naturally fall asleep. I had to pick a wake-up time that would be the same time every morning, I picked 6am. You start off with only allowing yourself 6 hours, so midnight to 6 was my sleep window. That doesn’t sound too bad but you are talking to a girl that would panic if she wasn’t asleep on the couch by 10pm and would pop an edible to make sure she would fall asleep. The other part of it is that say I couldn’t fall asleep, I couldn’t then wake up later, I had to still get up at 6am. So, if say I didn’t fall asleep until 1 or 2 then I would only get 5 or 4 hours of sleep. If you fall asleep at the time 75% of the week, then you can add 15 minutes but you can only add 30 minutes a month. You do this until you get to 8 hours.
To be honest I thought it was going to be a lot harder than it has been, granted I have been playing it safe. After the first few nights, I did get so tired that I fell asleep. When I say I have been playing it safe I mean that I haven’t really been challenging myself to go out at night. We have gone out more, but we have been home by 9 pm, nothing wild and crazy. I have to remember though that I used to not be able to do that. If I was out and home that late I would panic. I have to give myself credit for the baby step progress I am making. I have had nights that are tougher than others, having to take medicine a few times to calm down but overall I have been falling asleep. Another huge improvement is nights I don’t fall asleep easily I just ride it out. I used to work myself up if I was in bed not falling asleep, I would jump out of bed and take something but now I am just going with it. The reason I can do this is because I know that I AM ENOUGH regardless of if I am tired or not. I am NOT any less for being tired. Yes, I might be more sensitive and its harder to get through my to do list but that is totally fine. I am enough exactly as I am, whether I’m well rested or a little tired and grumpy.
Another huge thing I want to mention is that I FELL ASLEEP IN A HOTEL ROOM without taking anything. That has not happened in probably 4 years. Traveling is always harder because I am out of my environment. When that happened the other weekend, I was over the moon with joy. I did something so simple yet something I had basically given up on ever doing. Even if I still have times of anxiety and insomnia after this it would still all be worth it because it has taught me so much. It has taught me to be kinder to myself, to believe in myself, to show myself compassion and grace and it has taught me that I am enough no matter what.
For anyone who struggles with anxiety induced insomnia, I would highly recommend this if it is something your doctor supports. It sounds super scary I know, but it has opened me up to things about myself well beyond just sleep. It has allowed me to see so many pieces of myself and work towards a super deep healing. I also want to shout out some amazing brands and the products I have been using to help me with this whole process.
